Four Loves
by Hiril Moon
Summary: Set of 5 drabbles. Arthur's loved four people differently, but only one's always been there. Multiple pairings, including Arthur/Merlin slash.


**Disclaimer:** Merlin doesn't belong to me. I could never manage that much sub-text without some, um, foretext. Is that the word?

**Warnings for Story:** Quintuple drabble; spoilers in general, especially for 1x07 (`The Gates of Avalon`) and 1x08 (`The Beginning of the End`); character death; multiple pairings, namely Arthur/Sophia, Arthur/Morgana, Arthur/Gwen, Arthur/Merlin (which, I believe, would also be a warning for slash) and Gwen/Lancelot; dark!Morgana (not as bad as possible, trust me); certain liberties taken with the legends (no more than this show...); weird reduced drabbles due to author writing way too much then not wanting to cut out the idea and so just cutting down words and therefore sense; possibly a spot of cheesiness. Just a spot. #shifty eyes#

**Four Loves**

As Uther said, Sophia was Arthur's first love. At least she must have been, yet so much is just a confusing senseless blur. He knows he did unbelievable things (_"No Merlin, you're my servant"_), but he doesn't understand the memories.

Merlin avoids any questions surprisingly skilfully for such a poor liar. Why did he have to wait until Arthur wants the truth?

He'd wanted to _marry_ her, and now there's nothing left. No love, infatuation…_anything_. Only when he's ready to give her up forever does Merlin finally reluctantly describe him as `enchanted`.

Arthur doesn't tell him how familiar that sounds.

---

Morgana used to be family; his pretty, occasionally scary step-sister. They caused chaos and were reprimanded together. Good times. Old times.

Then `pretty` becomes `beautiful`. Their façade remains, but dark hair and pale skin fill his dreams, before crossing into nightmares as she slowly becomes somebody terrifying. She's intense, powerful, and undeniable when they finally give in. For one night, she's his, and she marks him even deeper.

Next day she's gone, leaving just her burning brand. Arthur doesn't need Merlin predicting her return or lying about the future. He needs to forget, and for once Merlin obeys his orders.

---

Gwen's a mystery to him. Almost unnoticeable behind Morgana, yet grief draws them together after she leaves.

She's everything Arthur's not: Gentle, caring, loving without question. Nevertheless, somehow he knows something's missing, and he only understands why when Lancelot finally returns to Camelot. When Gwen, not Queen Guinevere, smiles at him, Arthur realises what she's wanted all along.

Which invites the inevitable question of why? Why marry despite loving another? Knowingly, eerily like Morgana, she responds, "Why did you?"

She's right. She's right because it's not them who haunt him, but memories of sorrowful golden eyes. And Arthur understands completely.

---

Merlin's hard for Arthur to describe. He drives him insane, but he doesn't obsess him like Sophia or burn him like Morgana. Like Gwen, he's far more than a servant, but unfortunately he can't be as unquestioningly loving as her, and appearances must still be forced.

Without her, they could destroy each other, yet they can't be separated. Not until Arthur just _knows_ his other half is gone, taking all sensation with him. That's why his final moments don't hurt – he has to be whole to feel. Instead he smiles, as he feels familiar magic sending him on his way.

---

In truth, loves can be strangely similar. Sophia and Morgana are both impassive considering Arthur's death, although reasons differ. Sophia would simply lose a disposable tool, whilst Morgana simply _can't_ care anymore.

Elsewhere, those who grieve also face guilt. Gwen realises stories will blame her, whereas Merlin knows he could have stopped this long ago. Despair forms part of Nimueh's trap, only shattered when part of him is ripped away. His tree-prison may die, but only goodbye is possible.

Now he's trapped by dreams: futures where lives have faded into legends. Where the true love story has been forgotten forever.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Oh yes, there are more weird Merlin drabbles. This one nearly killed me if I recall correctly, mainly because I had to cut out an average of about 100 words from each drabble. So they may not make much sense anymore, and I don't seem to be able to make any changes because I've cut down everything I can think of already. Oh dear.


End file.
